I See You, but I Can't Touch You: A Pewdiecry Fanfic
by Pewdiecry
Summary: When plans are broken last minute on Christmas Eve, Cry takes it straight to the heart. Will Russ find Cry in time? Will Pewdiepie make things right? CryaoticxPewdiepie
1. Chapter 1

**Cry's POV**

All this need. All this want… it's building up. Our whole friendship has been just staring at a screen. Staring at the pixelated figure on the computer monitor.

I can see your thick blond locks of hair, but I can't touch them. I can see the sparkling blue ocean that is your eyes, but I can't touch them. I can see your smooth, clear porcelain skin, but I can't touch it.

It hurts. It's killing me.

All I want is to be able to touch you. I want you to be able to touch me. I don't want this to continue any longer, or I might go insane.

When I heard that sweet simple phrase in the live stream that night:

"Hey Cry, I might be going to Florida this Christmas!"

My heart fluttered and skipped beats. Pewds… right here in Florida? Too good to be true. I want it to be. Hopefully it becomes true. Hopefully.

Hope.

It's all I have left. I don't want to not only see you anymore… I want to touch you.

I need you Pewds.

So badly…

* * *

"Cry?"

I snapped back into reality. There was Pewdie on the screen. Our Skype call was still open.

"Sorry, friend. I must have zoned out," I fixed my headset and laughed nervously.

"Must have? I was calling your name for probably 2 minutes straight!" Pewds was laughing uncontrollably. God, his laugh is so adorable.

"Sorry, I've been doing that a lot lately."

"There's something on your mind isn't there?" Pewds was concerned. About me. He knows when something's not right . God, he's so perfect.

"Yeah bu-"  
"What is it?"  
"I don't want to talk about it, Pewds," I lied. I wanted to tell him so very badly, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. He'll reject me. He's straight, right? He has Marzia, and the fans like them better together than they do the Pewdiecry ship.

"I have great news, that'll brighten the mood!" Pewds exclaimed, his eyes twinkling.

"Oh god, Pewds, what is it?" I tried my best to sound excited about it.

"I'm for sure coming to Florida for christmas!"

"Really?! That's awesome!"

"I know right, and guess what else?"

"What?"

"I'm bringing Marzia and Maya!" Cry felt his smile drop. So much for a white christmas.

But still. It was seeing Pewds

* * *

We continued to talk about Christmas. We made plans. We dropped small hints on what presents we would get each other. It was so perfect. Completely perfect. It was a dream come true. I was going to see the man I love, even if his annoying stuck up girlfriend was coming along.

It was about 5pm, day before Pewds was supposed to board his flight to Florida. I was doing last minute cleaning, and hanging lights on my Christmas tree. I never had a Christmas tree before, probably never had bought one if I didn't know Pewds was coming.

"There," I grunted as I screwed in the last bulb, and switched the lights on. They were pretty and festive. Pewds would like them, I just knew it.

I was so excited. I had butterflies in my stomach, and It felt like a dream. I was giggling like a school girl while I checked my fan mail. The pewdiecry tag was going crazy with feels. The fans found out about Pewds coming to Florida and just lost it with "omg feels" and "i can't even"s.

I can't even. That's exactly how I felt right now. Oh god, I'm doing it again. I'm giggling and smiling at an imaginary Pewds.

Then I got the phone call.

"H-hello?"

"Hey, Cry. It's Pewdie. I'm sorry but-" A girl with a heavy accented voice interupted him. Marzia.

"Felix! Our flight leaves soon! Hurry up!"

I figured he was apologizing beforehand if they're late.

"Ok, Marzy. I'm sorry, Cry, but we can't make it. Marzia's parents are having a big gathering in Italy, and they wanted me to be the "Guest of Honor" since they haven't met me yet. I-"

"You said for sure. You said you were coming for sure..." My voice cracked, and I felt tears swell in my eyes.

"Look, I'm really sorry, Cry. Maybe next year?" Pewdie's voice was sincere, and he could obviously tell Cry was hurt.

"Yeah. Next year." I practically threw the phone back on the receiver. I broke out sobbing. He was really going to be here. I was going to get to see him. I was going to get to _touch_ him. Not anymore. Thanks to that _stupid bitch. _

She just takes advantage of him.

Why can't he see that she doesn't care? Why can't he see that _I_ care?

I practically crawled to my room on my hands and knees. My eyes felt like they were going to burst with how much I was crying.

The next couple hours was just being curled up on my bed, hyperventilating.

The next couple days was torture. Pewds never once contacted me. I even forgot that it was Christmas, the whole reason Pewds was going to come to Florida.

I was so done. Pewds didn't care about me. I was just his gaming buddy. JUST his gaming buddy. Nothing more. Never will be anything more. I was so stupid for thinking that he would ever accept me for who I am. _So stupid…_

I was so done. I didn't want to go on knowing the truth. I stumbled to my feet, and headed into the bathroom. Staring into the mirror, I realized how shitty I actually look. No wonder I never show anyone my face, and no wonder it took me forever to finally decide to show Pewds and Russ.

_You're not as bad looking as you always say you look, Cry. You're actually very good looking._

Was that a lie,too? Pewds lied to me. Everything he said was a lie. Nothing more.

Opening the cabinet, I fumbled through the bottles. Painkillers, cough medicine, anything. I opened up almost every bottle and took out god know how many pills.

I didn't what half the stuff I was shoving in my mouth was, but whatever it was, it would work.

It would do the job. It would end this pain. It would end the truth.

When this pain disappears, I can live in my own world. I can have my own fantasy of Pewds. One where he doesn't lie to me. One where he loves me for who I really am.

An ugly, gay geek.

As the final part, I chugged down a glass of water.

I was once again crawling back to my room, and I was once again back on my bed. Waiting.

Waiting for the truth to turn back into lies.

Lies that would comfort me.

Lies that could have been reality, if she had never existed.

**Russ's POV**

I knocked on Cry's apartment door. No answer for several minutes.

"Damn it, Cry. Open the fuck up!" I shouted. Maybe he forgot he even invited me over for Christmas since all he could talk about was that Scottish guy coming over. What was his name again? Pie something? I don't care.

After a couple more minutes, I sighed and struggled with the door knob. Throwing my weight against it, the door finally gave and busted open.

"Cry?"

I looked around his living room, the kitchen. Down the hallway, the bathroom light was on and the water was running. When peering in, I gasped.

His sink was filled with pill bottles, pills, and assorted liquid medicine that formed a strange colored puddle.

The can't be good.

"Cry!" I shouted down his hallway and ran for his room.

What I found when I opened his door was shocking.

"Oh, my god, Cry..."

He was unconscious on his bed, and his breathing was shallow. He only took a breathe like, once in forever.

I grabbed my cellphone and dialed 911.

I had a feeling this had something to do with that guy.

I knew he was trouble from the start.

* * *

A/N: ooooo suspensekdfjdklf. ACK, I wrote this a while back, and it's been sitting in my folder forever. I'll probably add another chapter within the next month or so.


	2. Chapter 2

Russ held his breath as the phone dialed Pewdiepie's phone number. He had found it in Cry's contacts on his cell phone. He didn't meant to snoop, other than to find Pewdie's number.

Russ had just gotten back from the hospital. Cry was still in critical condition. The pills had enough time to take affect on his body before Russ found him. They were taking care of him the best they could, but there's still a chance he might not... not make it.

* * *

"Hello? Marzia speaking."

He took a deep breath. "This is Russ, a friend of Cry's. I would like to speak with Felix."

"Okay." You could hear rustling and footsteps, and a door opening from the other side of the line. "Felix," Marzia whispered, "Wake up, someone wants to talk to you."

" Ah, fuck...tell them they can wait. I'm sleeping."

"He's a friend of Cry's."

"Give me the phone." Pewdie commanded quickly.

Russ drummed his fingers on his desk impatiently. _God, what a slacker_, He thought.

"Hello? Scott?"

"This is Russ."

"Russ who?"

_moron._

"_**I'm**_ Cry's**_ best_** friend. Cry is in the hospital," Russ heard the breathing on the other end of the line stop. Silence. After giving time for it to sink in, he continued. "He tried to kill himself by ODing on shit loads of medicine. Do you know anything that would have caused this?"

Again, silence.

"Listen here, friend,I don't know what the fuck you did to cause Cry to do this, but I swear that if you don't make things right I will wreck you. You and your career." Pewdie couldn't see it over the phone, but Russ's face was flushed with anger and hatred.

" You can't," Pewdie replied plainly. No hint of emotion in his voice.

"I will, you Irish fucker. I will-"

"Swedish." Pewdie corrected.

"I don't give a flying fuck what the hell you are. You make things right. Do it for Cry." Russ gave Pewdie the hospital address and hung up soon after.

* * *

"Who was that?" Marzia asked, twirling the end of her hair carelessly. Pewdie sighed and hugged her.

"Let's just say I have to go on a business trip today, Marzy."

_**He would do this. For Cry.**_

* * *

**_A/N: Hey guys! Sorry it took long to update, I had lack of motivation. I suddenly feel like writing again! I will add third chapter by Christmas break. OH! Also, I LOVE writing one-shots, but I have none on . I would very much appreciate it if maybe some of you could PM me a one shot prompt. I might pick a few to write! Have a good day, loves 33_**


	3. Chapter 3

**Pewdie POV**

After a very unnerving plane ride down to Florida, the airport landing came into view. The whole trip all I could think of was Cry and what he has done because of me. I felt guilty, and I kept telling myself that if I had just turned down Marzia's parents dinner invitation, Cry would be better than ever right now.

When I stepped off the plane, I was amazed at how warm it was. Sweden had to have at least a thirty degree difference compared to Florida. It was almost overwhelming.

Getting back on track, I looked around for Russ. He had agreed to pick me up from the airport so I wouldn't get lost (this being my first time in America).

I had some trouble finding Russ, even though he made it really obvious. He was holding a sign that read:

"pewdipie"

I still am not sure to this day if he actually forgot the second E in my name or if he was just trying to be a jerk.

He obviously didn't think about me walking with him while he carried a giant sign that announced my name (well, an attempted spelling of my name) would attract members of the Bro Army, but sure enough, it did.

"Oh my god, it's really you!" One girl shrieked, her friends following her over to me.

"I-uh, I gotta go, Bros. It's REALLY important. I'm sorry." I quickly walked away with Russ. I hate to disappoint my fans, but Cry was the most important thing right now.

"Wow, you really are Mr. Popular." Russ remarked, glancing back at the fans and smirking.

"Yeah."

Soon enough, we were in Russ's car and on our way to the hospital.

I'm coming, cry...

**Russ POV**

We sat in silence for quite some time after leaving the airport. It was an awkward silence. I know I wasn't making it easy for the guy to like me. Probably because I sure as hell didn't like him. He did, though, finally attempt at conversing with me.

"How long have you and Cry been friends?" He asked, staring at his feet with a blank expression.

"Three, maybe four years."

"Oh..." Now he was staring out the window, obviously lost in thought.

I pulled into the hopsital parking lot, and parked the car near the front entrance.

"Hey, listen. Cry is still really shaky. He cried when I told him you were coming. He's at his weakest point right now. Don't overexcite him." I didn't want to be the bad guy, but I needed to warn him about Cry's condition. I can't have him busting into there and giving Cry high blood pressure.

"I figured that. I'll be careful." He jumped out of the car before I could mutter my "good".

**Cry POV**

I was so excited, yet so ashamed.

I didn't know what Pewds would think of what I have done, and I really didn't want to know.

Will he hate me?

Will he feel sorry?

Will he turn around and leave?

My head started to hurt again, and my eyes began to water. I felt overwhelmed by all the emotions I could be experiencing in such a short amount of time.

I laid my head down and shut my eyes. Sleep would do me lots of good right now. I got comfortable and began to doze off, but then I heard it. That voice that I was so used to hearing over skype calls. The voice that would make me laugh, and the voice that would laugh because of me.

i completely lost it.

**Pewdie POV**

I was rushing down the hallways towards the room one of the nurses directed us towards. Russ was following close behind. I stopped at the door, cleared my throat, swallowed hard, and took a deep breathe. Russ nodded to me and stepped aside.

I turned the handle and crept in.

"Cry?"

* * *

A/N: Yes, I know. I'm slow at updating. I know a lot of you are saying Marzias is out of character in this story. I apologize, I guess. I don't really know Marzia well, so I'm sort of guessing on her personality. Again, sorry :c I'll try to update the last chapter within the next month. Stay awesome, Bros.


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